Peace and Rain
by jailynn
Summary: Set during "Personal Foul" and Lindsay's rain walk. Might be turned into a story... don't know yet. Love to hear your thoughts


A/N: I want to thank everyone that read and reviewed my last Lindsay/Danny story. It meant so much to me. I really hope you like this one as well. I'd also like to hear if you think I should continue to or leave it as a one shot. Thanks!

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><p><strong>Title:<strong> Peace and Rain  
><strong>Author:<strong> Jailynn  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG  
><strong>Timeline:<strong> During Lindsay's rain walk and talk with Danny in "Personal Foul"  
><strong>POV:<strong> Lindsay's  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 1956  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> None, unless you haven't seen Personal Foul or any of the episodes leading up to it  
><strong>Feedback:<strong> Please and thank you  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Not mine. Never will be mine  
><strong>Completed:<strong> Maybe- I'm going to say yes for now, but I might do a dirtier companion piece to this  
><strong>Couple:<strong> Danny/Lindsay  
><strong>Fandom:<strong> CSI: NY  
><strong>AN:** Unedited. Please forgive all mistakes.

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Rain was cleansing. That's what her dad told her when she was young and afraid of the wild storms that would sweep across the plains, highlighted by the mountains. He would hold her close while she shivered in bed and say, "Lindsay this is God's way of cleaning the world. One rain drop at a time." It was a simple reasoning that she would later come to find out was completely wrong. Rain wasn't God's way of cleansing the earth, it was all science, but as a kid, it helped calm her fears and she learned to love being in the water falling from the sky.

Maybe she thought it would cleanse her own sins. Wash away the pain, the memories, the empty feeling. Maybe that's why each time she heard thunder in the distance, she would feel a little jolt of relief and pull on her coat, stand on the front porch; awaiting the first drop of water. Lindsay always felt more centered in the rain. Her mind went blank and clarity found it's way in. She could figure out her problems, understand something that she couldn't before. She could be at peace while the wind and water slapped against her skin, the ground, the world around her.

When she heard the first signs of rain, Lindsay felt a sigh bubble up inside of her. Weeks of nothing but heart ache could finally be washed away. Weeks of Danny losing himself, pushing her away, doing things that she never thought he would do- could finally be rinsed clean from her mind. She didn't bother to change from her work clothes or put on tennis shoes instead of her heels. She didn't want to wait to be in the water, walking through the sky's shower. Stepping out into the night, she inhaled the scent. Under all the smells of New York was the crisp fragrance of an upcoming storm. She closed her brown eyes, gripping the railing by the front steps of her building and just breathed it in.

For a moment the clarity broke through, she could feel it tickling at the back of her mind. Waiving it's way slowly to the front of her brain. And just as the first clear thought settled quite comfortably in her head, the first drop fell onto her shoulder. Followed quickly by another and another after that. A smile that hasn't been on her face in weeks- months, pulled her lips up. Just slightly. A small curl. Enough. She opened her eyes back up and watched as everyone hurried to find shelter, to escape the cleansing water.

Lindsay tipped her face up, letting each drop hit her. She embraced it. Reveled in it. Enjoyed the feeling. Taking the first step out into the pouring rain, she made sure to walk as slow as possible. Inching her way down the sidewalk, watching the concrete turn dark, soaking up the water. Cleansing the city just the way her father had told her.

Each step she took brought another moment of peace to her warring mind. She knew that something wasn't right with Danny, with them for weeks now, but it was always easier to deny than it was to confront. Lindsay made it a point to look away when he snapped at her, cover her hurt, chastise herself for thinking of her own pain when he was so clearly in much more than she was. She didn't harp too much on the canceled dates or the voicemails that never got returned because grief was a devastating emotion. She knew that better than most. So she silently watched. Quiet in her observations.

Of course it was during one of those quiet contemplations that the truth hit her; during a late night binge on chocolate chunk ice cream and a bad chick flick marathon that she realized what he hadn't been able to tell her. Danny checked out of their relationship. He threw in the towel and let her go without a single fight. The next day, she called him, hoping she was wrong, praying that he wanted them as much as she did. But he didn't. He made excuses not to see her. That was the moment when she couldn't hide from the truth any longer.

She couldn't say how she knew he wasn't alone. A feeling came over her. An instinct took hold. Maybe it was his tone or the way he deflected everything onto her in their office. Maybe it was the way he wouldn't meet her eyes. Danny refused to meet her eyes. If he had, even once, maybe she would have been able to stop herself from falling in love with him... Wrapping her arms around herself as a gust of wind and rain hit her, she smirked a little bitterly. No she couldn't have stopped herself from falling. Lindsay was too drawn to him. He enveloped her senses too much when they were around each other. She was a moth to his hypnotizing flame.

It was even harder now that he decided they were worth fighting for. How freaking ironic was it that the moment she decided to give up; to give him exactly what he acted like he wanted, was the exact moment he decided to give in to what they had? She kicked at a puddle forming in a dip on the sidewalk. The droplets of water flew in different directions, some landing on her already drenched pants. It wasn't fair. He wasn't being fair. He was jerking her around. Playing with her emotions. Screwing with her head. She didn't know how much more she could take because, frankly, she was falling apart. Lindsay sighed, a crosswalk was coming up in the distance; she was trying to figure out if she should stay on the path she was already on or change direction.

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She almost didn't answer it. It would disturb her walk and that could make finding peace that much more difficult. Biting back a sigh, she pulled the phone from her jacket, cursing herself the whole time. Like she wasn't going to answer. It might be Mac or Stella or her parents or her siblings. It could be an emergency and she was nothing if not responsible. It took a second for the rain to clear out of her eyes enough to see who was calling. Her breath caught roughly in her throat at his picture. Her heart simultaneously broke and pounded against her ribcage as she pressed the green connect button on her screen.

"Hey," she said so softly she's not sure she said it loud enough to be heard over the rain and bustle of the city streets.

"Hey," he answered back, deep and husky. Damn him and his voice. She shivered, trying to blame the rain in her head but knowing in her heart the water that was falling had nothing to do with it. Lindsay saw the crosswalk getting closer. Almost time to decide. "Where are you?"

"I'm taking a rain walk," her tone stayed soft. No need to shout. "It's a Montana thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Yeah, maybe I would," there's a pause and she could hear him breathe on the other end. Her eyes closed. How many times did she just listen to him breathe while they were together? "Maybe, there are a lot of things I understand now. How about that?"

_Now... why couldn't you have understood those things before_, she wanted to say. She wanted to shout. _Why did you have to make it so hard? Why did you break my heart? Why did you turn to someone else when I was right there? When I would always have been there for you? Why did you ruin what we had by pushing me away and falling into the arms of someone else, of her?_ Lindsay didn't say that though. She swallowed those words and said, "Yeah, like what?"

"How sorry I am for pushing you away," he responded in that voice. Why couldn't he use a less sexual one to tell her this? Why couldn't he sound like he did at work and not like he did after making love to her all night? That sleepy satisfied growl lurking behind his tone.

Lindsay felt her stomach clench. Focusing on his words and not his voice was key here. He was sorry. But did that make a difference now? When so much of what they had got lost in the fray of his grief. She felt some of her confusion shift. Some clarity came to the surface. She fought against it because of what it was beginning to make her see.

"Danny, I tried to give you space." Tears built in the back of her throat. She viciously swallowed them back. Now was not the time for tears. "I don't know how much longer I can feel alone," honesty- when was the last time they were honest with each other? "It's messing with my work. It's breaking my heart."

"Yeah, I know, I know, I do, I swear to God it won't happen again." _Why did you let it happen at all_? Her heart raged. Tendrils of anger flicking at her soul. She rolled her lips together so the words of a shattered heart didn't interrupt him. "The truth is, the truth is, I miss you. I miss you more than I can say, even if I don't know how to say it."

And that's when it happened. That's when the peace settled in her mind. Damn. She paused on the sidewalk, fighting the smile that wanted to curl her lips up. She loved him. She loved him and no matter what he did she wasn't completely ready to let him go. A sigh escaped her as she told him in the sternest voice she could muster, "Do you have any idea how hard you are to love?"

A soft chuckle. That's all it took to send her blood racing through her body. Lindsay could picture him, the way his face would look. A small smile on Danny's kissable lips. "Why don't you come over and tell me in person?" The pause wasn't long but she heard the emotion in it, just like she felt it when he said, "Please?"

God she wanted to say yes. She wanted to give in because fighting this was so much harder than it should be. He broke her heart. He pushed her away. Danny made the choice to put their relationship in jeopardy, but none of that mattered to her at that moment, because he did something he has never done before- at least with her- he begged her to come over. Weeks of waiting for that sign from him and now he was giving it. She looked out at the street, she's finally reached the intersection. Two ways to go. Stay on the path she started on or take that chance and change direction. The answer came to her quickly. That's what she loved about the rain. It wiped away all the crap clouding her mind.

"I gotta go," she pressed the disconnect button on her phone and turned toward the crosswalk.

With a small bit of hesitation she stepped out onto the street and sighed. A new direction. A new path. A new destination in mind. Cleansing peace washed over her as the rain started to subside. A small smile played on her lips. She wasn't ready to go to him just yet, but Lindsay knew they were on their way. Danny would just have a wait a little while longer.

The End


End file.
